WOw it's been a month trying to lose weight. Day 31

 

 

Hey everyone Halie here again! Can you believe it has been a straight month? Right now I am relaxing as my muscles feel heavy. Apparently trying to bike up a hill was a bad idea. Yes You heard me Bike! I got a bike! I will upload pictures tomorrow! :D

 

Well in my videos, day 30 I am talking about my struggles with why I did not try to lose weight before now. You see my sister is anorexic and so are a few of my friends. I don't like what it does to them. They all think they are fine, but it is always saddening. I don't want to be like that, but I am scared I am like that. And with peer pressure from people who are losing weight by being anorexic I push myself too hard sometimes and end up tired. I don't like competing, but I hate

 being told my method is wrong. I think it is right. I know it's healthier.

 Also in the videos, I mention the fact I didn't get a lot to eat as a kid. This lead to me hording food. In fact I still stock pile to this day. However I make sure I eat everything, or I share the food. But the fear of starving to death is ingrain into me. So I actually allowed myself to get fat thinking that I could last longer in a situation if I have fat stored up. It is a very real fear of mine to be starving to death. Maybe because I didn't get enough to eat as a child.

And then there is the fear of my own strength. You see I was never taught control. I should have been in martial arts when I was little, but no one wanted to deal with that. You see for as long as I can remember I been stronger than normal with no control. Like a blundering elephant. Able to crush cans of soda while still filled if I wasn't careful. However when I stopped being so active, my strength went down. And when I went to hug people, they didn't turn purple like before. So I thought that was a good thing.

However I should not fear my own self anymore. Maybe this time I will be able to control my strength. Maybe this time I will make sure I don't starve. Maybe this time I will not become anorexic due to peer pressure.


On a happier note, I got a bike today as explained in video 31. It is awesome! It is a white bike which I also got a tire pump and a lock for it. so cool. I am so happy! It is white, even though I hate white. But hey It works. and I found out I live on a hill since I went whooshing down it unable to stop.

Once I get stronger I will so be able to go on longer rides. :D

Like I said before please encourage and help me out. Thanks!